


Tendous letter

by That_animewriiter



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Forgive Me, Haikyuu - Freeform, Karasuno, Leukemia, Other, Shiratorizawa, sorry for the emotional damage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27823717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_animewriiter/pseuds/That_animewriiter
Summary: Tendou Saatori is the prized middle blocker of the varsity Shiratorizawa volleyball team, as well as the prized clown/jokester. Everything is how it should be, until Tendou falls sick. Despite his grim circumstance, he keeps his same old attitude, and Ushijima cant help but wonder why Tendou wont just face facts; Ushijima is confused about Tendous attitude, but his letter explains it all in the end
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 37





	Tendous letter

**Author's Note:**

> UHHHH so ive read too many Haikyuu fics so heres me regurgitating it onto you all. This is going to be short, and hopefully I'll actually finish this (insert eye roll) anyway,, enjoy, cry, grab your friends or stuffed animal, because its gonna be a little sad. I hope my crappy writing speaks to yall in some way.

It all began with the ending of a long afternoon practice. 

Coach Washijo had just made the team split up into 2 groups. The 2 groups were to play 4 sets against each other, and they were told to play well or else they'd be playing until night fall. Everyone kept that in the back of their minds, no one wanted evening practice. 

Luckily for them, each Shiratorizawa player practiced accordingly, to Coach Washijo's satisfaction. They were all allowed passage back home or to whatever endeavors they partook in. Everyone dragged their feet into the smelly locker rooms, and Tendou slowly trudged close behind Ushijima. Tendou had began to feel dizzy during set 2 of the 4 sets they played. It was proving harder for him to even see straight a little, but still he pushed through and continued blocking from the other team. Ushijima asked him once if he was fine, he lied. He said yes, but really Tendou felt like he could just throw up right onto his uniform. Ushijima nodded and continued on with what Tendou called "Captianing". 

Tendou quickly realized that something was going to happen in a few seconds, and he wouldnt be able to control it. He tried hinting at it subtlety, and hoped that Ushijima caught his one time plea for help. 

"Miracle boy," Tendou whimsically called in one of his medieval troll voices. "I do believe I dont feel too well. Must be the grueling troll game we just took part in!"   
  


Ushijima kept his stoic expression and brushed off Tendous comment. He thought nothing of it. Why should he? Tendou said things like that all the time. 

"Tendou, what are you on about?" Ushijima asked, before the sound of a whole body hitting the floor echoed in the gym. He quickly turned on his heel and saw Tendou, on the ground and absolutely passed out. He knelt beside the middle blocker and called for the team manager. Tendou was sweating horribly and looked in the most discomfort Ushijima had ever seen him in. 

Coach Washijo wondered if he was being too harsh with his practices, but he remembered that he'd put his boys through worse, like the time when he made them all practice on a Saturday from morning to night. Coach was worried, they all were worried. 

[ _Saatori <wednesday 7:45 pm>_]

_Why were you absent at todays practice?_

Ushijima put his phone down and continued staring into oblivion. It was raining outside this evening, which he enjoyed. Tonight was a night that left Ushijima feeling content, but a piece to his daily puzzle was missing. He noticed that Tendou wasn't cracking jokes tonight and that Taichi was in Tendous usual spot as middle blocker right next to Goshiki. In fact, Tendou wasn't present at all, not even at the beginning of practice. He was sure that he would at least see him then, if he wasn’t coming he would’ve told coach right in the gym before practice started, but no sign.

[ _miracle boy UwU <wednesday 7:46 pm>_]

_Coach said that I was to rest from fainting during last practice. Ill be returning on my horse tomorrow miracle boy. Did you miss me, Perhaps?_

Tendou sent a picture, or a meme, of a cow and the caption reading "Perhaps". He laughed at his own joke, but mostly because he knew that Ushijima probably wouldn't understand it.

[ _Saatori <Wednesday 7:47 pm>_]

_I do not understand. You said you would be arriving on a horse, but sent a picture of a cow saying the word “perhaps”. That does not make sense. However, I did miss your presence this afternoon. It seemed that Goshiki-kun did as well._   
  


Tendou let out a genuine guffaw. Of course Ushijima would respond like that. He was about as dense as iron. But, he was glad that he was missed during practice. He missed practice too, but he wouldn’t dare go against Coach’ wishes. He agreed too that he should take a break before coming back to practice. Practice wasn’t going anywhere, anyway.

Suddenly, a piercing pain accompanied by a dizzy spell hit Tendou like a bat to the face.His entire body was overcome by an abhorrent feeling of indescribable pain. Tendou let out an ear-ripping scream that sent his parents rushing into his room, and his mother just dropped when she saw her poor boy screaming in pure agony. 

Ushijima raised his hand high in the air and sprinted off of the floor. His strong left arm hammered Semi’ set to the ground with a loud boom. He was ready to spike another set, but the sound of Washijos’ whistle caught his attention.

  
“Gather around,” Coach Washijo called. Ushijima was the first to line up in front of the chairs near the back wall. The rest of his teammates followed, except Tendou, who had been a no-show for the last 4 practices in total. He had also been absent from school too, which was a first for him. Naturally, Ushijima noticed, and texted Tendou every night with the same stoicism he’d speak to the middle blocker with, though he was still worried. Tendou just said that he was not feeling well, but Ushijima couldn’t help but think Tendous statements were warnings. 

“I bet you all are wondering why Tendou-kun has not been here during practices lately,” coach began.

Ushijima didn’t realize how hard he clenched his fist.   
  


“Tendou-kun has been diagnosed with Leukemia. Chronic Leukemia.”   
  


The words hit Ushijima separately, then all together. He had heard of Leukemia before, but he never studied it extensively.   
  


“Cant people.....like die from Leukemia?” Semi asked, his dark eyebrows deeply furrowed. He took the thoughts right from Ushijima’s head.   
  


“Yes. If the disease isn’t caught early enough. The issue is that Tendou has apparently had it for 2 months, and he was none the wiser. The symptoms just began to show a few practices ago, when he passed out.”   
  


“He’s also been saying that he feels dizzy a lot, does that have something to do with it?”   
  
  
Everyone’s voice faded out and Ushijima was present in his own silent head. He checked the facts; Leukemia could be fatal if it wasn’t caught early enough, but Tendous Leukemia was caught 2 months in. The odds didn’t seem at their best. Although, that would explain the dizzy spells Tendou was having so often. As Ushijima thought more about it, Tendou had been looking a tiny bit different these passed 2 months, but there was no noticeable change.   
  


“Taichi-kun. You are going to be substituting as main middle blocker for Tendou for the time being. You must practice a lot, we’re counting on you.” Urged coach with his arms tightly folded. Ushijima snapped back into reality, this unnerving reality. He was going to ask what hospital Tendou was at, but he figured that he would just text the redhead later. 

  
Unknown to his knowledge, Ushijima played the rest of practice with shaky hands. He heard his own heart slam back into his chest every second, he ignored it. Volleyball proved as a temporary escape for bad news. He let the sound of volleyball shoes scraping the floor, and coach yelling to fill his head and replace his thoughts.  
  


[ _Saatori <friday 5:45 pm>_] 

_I’ve heard the news, Tendou. What hospital are you currently checked into at this time?_

Ushijima put on a long sleeve black turtleneck and washed out jeans. He laced up some timberland boots so that he would be able to walk through the striking cold of their town. The evening was slowly arriving, and he knew better than most that it was going to be frigid.

  
[ _miracle boy UwU <friday 5:46 pm>_]

_I am staying at the local hospital, my dear friend. I take it that Coach delivered the news to the team like a pigeon? p.s dropping my location(room 304)  
_

Tendou rested his phone down on the warm hospital sheets he was tangled within. He breathed a small sigh of boredom and wondered how long it would be until he could be home in his bed. It seemed it wouldn’t be for a while, but that wasn’t important to him. Quite frankly, he was much more interested in what was being played on the tv; a Japanese game show where the contestants were in a house made of chocolate. Tendou wished he was in a house made of chocolate too.   
  


[ _Saatori <friday 5:48 pm>_]

_I’ll be there shortly._

Tendou layed down now, hooked up to plenty of IVs. He was even hooked up to a catheter too, and his middle hurt like hell. He insisted that he didn’t need it, he could walk to the bathroom just fine and all by himself too, but _no._ His parents prided themselves on keeping him up to date with extra accommodations to his condition, that wasn’t even at it’s worse. 

Tendou let out a small cough and continued watching his favorite show, “Iron Chef”. The episodes had been reruns sure, but he still enjoyed them all the same. Imagine eating all the delicious food those chefs cooked. Tendou didnt even imagine, he fantasized about stuffing his mouth full of perfectly prepared dishes. 

“Saatori.” Ushijima called from the entrance of the room. Tendous head creeped up from its resting place and his pink lips grew into a quirky grin. 

“Miracle boy! I see you’ve made it to my fortress. Please, have a seat in my jet pack seats over there. I only have 3 sadly, due to horrible financial stability of mine.” Tendou welcomed, pointing to the 3 uncomfortable plastic seats in the corner of the medium sized room. Ushijima sat down in one of the 3 seats, the one farthest away from Tendous bed. Tendou sat all the way up now, propped up against his hospital pillows. 

"Wakatoshi-kun, who is your favorite iron chef?" Tendou asked, his eye following every move of chef Nishimiya, who quickly chopped up herbs with a speed Tendou had never seen before. Ushijima turned to the TV now, mildly unamused with the cooking show before him. Unless they were cooking Hayashi rice, he didnt care for them. 

  
"I dont have one." he replied bluntly. Tendou made a weird face and chuckled,"Its ok, Wakatoshi-kun. I know that secretly, I'm your favorite iron chef."

  
"You have Leukemia, Tendou." Ushijima stated, for no reason at all. It was the first thing that came to his blank mind. Tendou just stared on and nodded his head.

"Leu-kem-ia, bru-kem-ia. What's your point?" 

Ushijima paused. "Coach said that you have had this for 2 months now, you had no symptoms."

"Yes, that is correct young man," the doctor said as she strutted through the door. Ushijima acknowledged her and Tendou did the same. 

  
"Good evening boys. It is nice to meet you, I am doctor Kirou and I am going to be one of your many doctors from now on Tendou-kun. How have you been feeling since the news?"

Ushijima expected Tendou to say he felt worried, stressed, or even a little frightened. Why didn't he say any of those things? 

"I feel fine. It makes no sense being sad, man." Tendou smirked as he tossed his hands up in the air and proceeded to do jazz hands. Doctor Kirou laughed and high fived his right hand. 

"I like your attitude! I understand the news can be stressful for some patients to process, so I'm glad you're responding well. I will just take your temperature, and check that everything is stable." 

Ushijima creased his eyebrows and quietly grunted. Normally, people would be scared to hear of their potential death, right? People would cry and break down, but Tendou wasn't crying. He was his normal self. Ushijima knew well that Tendou wasn't a normal person. He was so far from the definition of the damn word. But, everyone should be scared of these things. Ushijima dwelled on it, and he just didn't comprehend. 

_Maybe it just hasn't occurred to him yet._

That same night, Ushijima pulled out his computer and began typing into the search engine right away.   
  


_........Chronic Leukemia_

  
Ushijima didn’t understand it. All he saw was that people could die from such a horrible disease. All his gazed settled upon were words of discouragement.   
  
  


_.....Leukemia_

_-life threatening_

_\- headaches_

_-dizziness_

_\- body pains_

_-no cure_

“No cure,” Ushijima read aloud to himself. 10 minutes passed, Ushijima’s eyes wouldn’t remove themselves from the very last phrase on the page.

  
- _Victims of the disease can die in as little as 4 months to a year, depending on which type they have. This is usually the case for young children, and patients with AML type Leukemia.  
  
_

_“_ 4 Months.” Ushijima read once more. “4 months to a year.”   
  


Why did his heart wrench? He didn’t understand it. Maybe Tendou saw something he didn’t see. He looked it up just to understand why Tendou still honed his “Glass half full” attitude when the glass was beginning to look half empty. He could die for Christ sakes and he made jazz hands? Ushijima didn’t get it. Things he didn’t get made him frustrated. He liked to know things, know why. But he couldn’t figure it out this time. Usually he would scrap whatever he couldn’t process but this topic just tugged at his brain like thread snagged in a fence.

  
_Ill give him 1 more month. 1 month for it to properly settle in his mind the seriousness of this._

  
And then week 2 of the 4 weeks passed. Half of the month Ushijima would give Tendou to accept his fate. Ushijima had visited Tendou almost everyday of the 2 weeks. His mother didn’t stop him, even she could see the look on his face every time he got ready to go to the hospital. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but it looked like he needed some form of closure. He was hellbent on finding an answer, and Ushijimas’ determination wouldn’t let him let go of whatever it was.   
  


“This hospital food tastes like trash. I would kill for chefs Nishimiyas cooking right about now. What do you say, Wakatoshi-kun?”   
  


A skinny Tendou sat in his new hospital bed. His doctors moved him to a new room, with better accommodation. Tendou couldn’t possibly understand how accommodated he could possibly get, he didn’t think it could reach this degree. But continuously, doctors and parents proved him wrong.

  
”Ive never had hospital food before. I suppose chef Nishimiyas cooking looks appealing.”   
  


Ushijima fixed his hazel eyes on the hospital room tv, finding himself a little less uninterested with this “Iron chef” show Tendou loved so much. He was almost fully absorbed into the show before he remembered that he was waiting for something. 

  
He watched Tendous face contort, and watched on as the middle blocker turned a ghostly pale. 

  
“ _Hand....me....Trashcan_!” Tendou heaved between gasps and burps. His hospital food was coming up, and just as Ushijima tossed him his provided trash can, or what Tendou called, “Vomit holder”, Tendou spewed puke into the can. He dry heaved for 5 seconds before puking once more.   
  


Ushijima winced and turned away, his own dinner of Hayashi rice and matcha tea ready to climb up as well. He hated the sounds coming from Tendous mouth. They were so violent and dangerous, and it made him so frustrated that Tendou had all the reason to be scared of his disease, all the reason to see what the stars aligned for him, and Ushijima could only hope that this would be his conversion point.   
  


“ _Ugh_ , me no like.” Tendou uttered as he wiped his lips. Ushijimas eye twitched for a second, and before he could scold Tendou, he realized his friend may need a doctor.

  
As the doctor checked on Tendou and the nurses cleaned the room, Ushijima had stepped out to have his own moment of clarity. One of the many symptoms that was burned into his brain from days of searching up the same thing popped into his head. It was throwing up, the patient is no longer capable of keeping food down properly. He’d never seen Tendou puke during his frequent visits, but he couldn’t help but wonder how long this part had been occurring for.

  
Doctor Kirou said 5 days. 5 days Tendou had vomited. He couldn’t keep food down for 5 days.   
  


“It’s getting worse, isn’t it?” Ushijima asked.

  
Tendou gulped after a drink of water and looked at Ushijima. “What? What’s getting worse?”   
  


Ushijima picked up his jacket and put it over his head then arms. He stood up and refused to look Tendou in the eyes.   
  
  
“The Leukemia.”

Tendou sighed and stared at his chart up on the wall that was a tiny bit blurry in his sight. He had realized some time ago that his chances were becoming lesser as the weeks went on, but he really ignored it. He was fine with not paying attention to it, but he could see Ushijima was worried, everyone was worried, it wasn’t new.   
  


“Possibly. Why?”   
  


  
“How do you feel? About it getting worse?”

Tendou cracked his fingers and coughed.   
  


“I feel like I can take over the world, maybe even rob a bank.”

  
Ushijima didn’t understand it. Tendou had just spewed his food everywhere, and had been doing so for 5 days. He looked so sickly in just a matter of 2 weeks or so, how could he still feel good?

”You have Leukemia Tendou.”   
  


  
“I know, Wakatoshi-kun. You’ve said that so much lately that it sounds like your catchphrase.”   
  


  
“You have....Leukemia.”   
  


  
“Yea, and what’s your point?”   
  


Ushijima gritted his teeth and growled. “How could you be so....unfazed by such a thing, Saatori? You are dying! Your going to die! You know this. You know this, don’t you?”   
  


The month that Ushijima gave him to accept his fate wasn’t even up yet, but Ushijima just couldn’t contain himself.   
  


Tendous mouth gaped and his eyes widened. Had he accepted that he could very much die?He did;100%. So what if he died, that wasn’t what scared him at the least. What scared him was something far greater, a fate that no man should suffer.   
  


He knew Ushijima wouldn’t understand it, he was as dense as iron. This was his other repressed fear; something he ran away from. He knew this would probably happen, but he tried to deny the inevitable. 

“Ushijima Wakatoshi. Are you loosing faith in me?” The middle blocker asked firmly, for the first time in his life while talking to Ushijima.

  
”Perhaps I am. You are getting worse and you don’t seem to acknowledge the fact.” 

  
“I said something to you when I was playing volleyball, and I will say it again now, Saatori,” Ushijima seethed through gritted teeth. “I don’t believe in baseless self confidence.”   
  


Ushijima didn’t believe in baseless self confidence. He hated people who put faith in themselves for no reason at all. It set you up for failure time and time again, to put faith in things that weren’t there or weren’t going to happen. Tendou showed no sign of getting better, why did he seem so sure of his own recovery?

  
”I told you something too, during that game against the college team. When I said, don’t you dare lose faith in me, I meant it. Don’t doubt me. The first time when I met you and we were kids, you gave me a chance Ushijima, and I took it. I’m holding on to it, we’re holding on to it, together. Your not allowed to let go of it now.”   
  
  


It was a month and a half after Ushijima angrily stormed out of Tendous hospital room, ears burning over the argument they had. He refused to see Tendou looking like that, looking stupid for fighting a battle that he looked like he was avidly loosing. Why couldn’t Tendou just accept that he was going to die?

  
The sooner he did that, the easier it would be for the both of them. 

  
He heard little details from his mother who kept contact with Tendous mother. He heard about Tendous chemotherapy, about how Tendou puked all the time. He heard about how Tendou couldn’t walk anymore. He saw pictures on his mother’s phone. Tendou was a little better than skin and bone. He was pictured frequently with an oxygen tank being carried around with him.   
  
  


What seemed easy for Ushijima was even harder on Tendou. Tendou prayed, he prayed to Kami-Sama that his worse fears shan’t come true. He pleaded for Ushijima to visit him, so that he could believe in his own self again. Ushijima was right, Tendou was dying. Tendou accepted it, he was going to die. 

Everyone else payed him visits, but it barely kept him going. He was happy to see them sure, it still didn’t fill the growing void in his chest.   
  
Tendou began to write to cope. It was something he never thought he would do, ever. He was not much of a writer, but he found that putting words onto paper helped soothe his mind. He was able to articulate so well, and he could write all of his feelings down with no interruption.   
  


Ushijima got texts from Tendou all the time. He chose to ignore them all. One could consider it as petty, but unless he heard Tendou face facts, he wasn’t going to answer.   
  


_[ sent from Saatori < Thursday 7:35 am>]  
  
Wakatoshi-Kun. How is volleyball?_

_  
[Sent from Saatori < Saturday 8:35 am>] _

_Im fine. Doing Chemotherapy at the moment. How is my favorite ace?_

_  
[sent from Saatori < Monday 9:40 am>]  
_

_Please visit. I need someone to keep me and my imaginary friends company._

Ushijima sat at his desk doing homework. He picked up his phone and scrolled through it mindlessly. His thumb settled over the text messages Tendou sent him almost every day. He didn’t want to press the message- but he did at the same time. What was wrong with him? _  
_

He set his phone down speedily and stared at the wall. He began humming a tune with no rhythm, and got out of his seat to check on his mini-garden. Ushijima wanted to distract himself, but something lingered in the back of his mind. 

_the text messages. Read them_ ,a voice in his head urged _._ He couldn’t ignore it any longer _._

Ushijima sprinted back to his desk and snatched his phone up from the surface. He almost broke his fingers opening up Tendous contact. He scrolled up to the media file of their messages and looked through all the picture of videos, the memories.

_-a picture of him and Tendou as kids posing back to back. Tendou is smiling, Ushijima is not.  
  
\- a picture of Tendou and Ushijima as kids dressed as Luffy and Zoro from one piece for Halloween. Tendou is Luffy, Ushijima is Zoro.   
  
_

_\- a video of Tendou and Ushijima practicing at Tendous house, and Tendou blocking Ushijimas spike_

Why was Ushijima feeling this way? Butterfly’s in his stomach and warm cheeks. Nostalgia, and longing. 

He continued surveying the media folder and its treasures.

- _a video of Tendou eating watermelon popsicles with Ushijima. Tendou asks for him to smile, and Ushijima does._

_”you have a pretty smile. You should smile more.”_

Ushijima cracked a small smile to himself. He remembered that day because Tendou fell on his face right after they finished those popsicles. It was the funniest thing ever, just the thought of it made Ushijima bust out into a laughing fit. 

- _a picture of Tendou and Ushijimas’ hands pressed palm to palm together with Tendous own caption._

_”Ace and his middle blocker. Unbreakable pair.”_

_  
-a video of Tendou and Ushijima sitting in bed together, Tendou is holding the phone and asking questions.  
_

_“Wakatoshi-kun? What is your favorite thing about me?”_

_”Your work ethic, your unique ideas.... also the way you make Hayashi rice perfectly to my liking._ _”_

_“Oooooo! Wanna know what I like about you?”_

_”Hmm.”_

_”I think you have a great ability to lead. Your very good at listening and observing. Though your sense of humor is particularly dry..... I like the terrible puns you make.”  
  
  
_ Then it occurred to him that Tendou had always been there. Tendou was always near him in some way, ever since he asked Tendou to play volleyball with him.

Why did couldn’t Ushijima shake this feeling? Could it be.....that he loved Tendou? Yea sure he loved Tendou, like a friend, but was it more than that? Something told him that this wasn’t new. It was always there, this emotion called love for Tendou, but Ushijima misinterpreted it. Of course he did, he wasn’t one who experienced emotion strongly anyhow.   
  


But that changed with Tendou. Tendou made his emotions fly and get all out of balance. Is that why he just wanted Tendou to accept is death so badly?

_[sent from Saatori <Tuesday 5:50 pm>]  
_

_You’ve lost it haven’t you? The faith. I understand. I’ve lost it as well. I need you, Ushijima. Please visit me. I’ve been lonely without your company._

And there it was, right on time. Ushijima rejoiced in the fact that Tendou finally accepted it. 

  
Tendou made it easier for them both. 

Ushijima walked down the hall of the 4th floor of Miyagi general hospital. As he approached Tendous room, he heard a familiar voice talking about an upcoming volleyball game, which the date of the event he was familiar with. It sounded like Coach Washijo, talking about their game on Wednesday.

  
”Tendou-senpai! You’re still coming to our game tomorrow right? We need you there, I need you there to keep me sharp.” That sounded too much like Goshiki, a high pitched submissive voice. 

“Tendou-san, please attend our game. We would love to have you.” 

“Of course, Semi-Semi, Goshiki-Kun. I plan on attending. The hospital said that I was allowed to, but a nurse has to come with me.” Tendou responded rather weakly. His voice sounded raspy, Ushijima never heard it like that before.  
  


But never mind Tendous voice. Ushijima felt his heart skip a beat. Tendou was coming to their game? Why didn’t anyone tell him anything?   
  


He stepped into the door and greeted his 2 teammates and coach before facing Tendou, who just lit up with what little energy he had left in his body.  
  


Tendou was hooked up to endless machines and gadgets for days. He wore a maroon beanie now, one much like the color of his old uniform. You could see that his red locks were thinning from their place outside the beanie. His skin was like a vampires, pale, ghostly. He was frail, very much skin and bones. Ushijima couldn’t believe that it was only a month and a half since he last saw Tendou, it felt like years, now that he’d seen how Tendou had really looked for the first time outside of a picture.

  
”Miracle boy!” Tendou feebly cheered. Ushijima cracked a small smile and waved. He was happy to see Tendou, though he wasn’t happy about how he looked.

  
”I wasn’t aware that you were coming to our game tomorrow. I’m truly excited to hear that.” Ushijima said. Coach Washijo motioned for Goshiki and Semi to follow him outside the room, while saying something about letting Tendou and Ushijima have a moment alone. Ushijima blushed, and Tendou did too. A moment alone, what were they? A couple or something?  
  


  
”So, you’ve finally accepted it? Your going to die Tendou.” 

Tendou looked over at Ushijima, who was no longer looking at him anymore. 

  
“Well, I stopped believing I would get better. You know why? I stopped believing because you stopped visiting me. You weren’t here anymore, miracle boy. You made me forget the idea of a miracle happening at all. It was only a month and a half, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to live, but now I know I am. A miracle happened, Toshi. You don’t see it now, but I do.”   
  
  


“Now I know, now I know for sure. I’ll always be around. I’ll be around for so long. I’ll always be here.”

Tendou held out an open hand on the bed and waited for a hand to softly hold it. Ushijima flared his nostrils and aggressively sighed. He felt a heat boiling in him. He was shaking so bad and his jaw clenched like no tomorrow.  
  


He thought it would be easier. He thought it would be easier to say goodbye to someone he wasn’t ready to say goodbye to just yet.   
  
He realized that these feelings weren’t just for the loathing of baseless self confidence. 

“Satori don’t be such a fool! You sit around talking about some miracle as if your just magically going to get healed! Don’t you understand..never say always when your always isn’t the same as mine.” Ushijima paused for a moment as tears finally pricked his eyes for the first time in months. He felt his heart finally break for the 1st time during this whole ordeal.

“Never say always.....when you know that saying you’ll always be here will always be a lie.” Ushijima sobbed, tears falling down his face like pouring rain. He dropped to his knees and grabbed Tendous hand on the bed, holding it tight. He wept into Tendous withering hand, he felt how bony it was. He felt how close Tendou was to death.  
  


  
“Toshi, what did I tell you about losing faith in me?” Tendou whispered. “I’ll always be here. As long as you are by my side, I’ll always be around.”   
  


  
Ushijima sweated under the beaming bright white light in the gym. He practiced some bumps of the volleyball, then some spikes followed soon after.

  
Tonight was game night, and Shiratorizawa was playing against Wakutani Minami high school, which was another team in the Miyagi prefecture. The score was expected to be close, and Ushijima was anxious. Wakutani was a team famous for their coordination. Normally, Ushijima wouldn’t be nervous about things like this, but Tendou was coming to their game tonight. Everyone promised to play their best to win, on behalf on Tendou. He didn’t think they would lose, but Tendous presence upped the stakes by leaps and bounds.   
  


“Tendou-senpai!”   
  


Everyone whirled their heads around to see a nurse wheeling Tendou steadily into the gym. All of Tendous teammates ran to him, crowding his wheelchair and shouting about his return. Tendou grinned wide and high-fived his old teammates. He had missed them all, even though some of them came to visit every once in a while. He couldn’t get enough of their overwhelming energy. It was a breath of fresh air from disinfectant and bad news.

  
”I’ve missed you guys, so much.” Tendou said, choking up.   
  


Coach Washijo approached the group from behind, holding a folded article of clothing. The group let him through their crowd and he finally stopped in front of Tendou.   
  


“We got you a present, son. Here,” Coach Washijo let the piece of clothing unfold from its position. The maroon and white jacket settled in Tendous sights and he almost broke out in tears.

  
”We got new team jackets while you were in the hospital, and we got you one too.” Goshiki explained.   
  


“Yea. Though your not on the court with us, your in our hearts, Tendou-senpai. Your still apart of our team. Your apart of our family.”   
  


Washijo handed Tendou the jacket that read:

_Tendou Saatori #4_

_Best middle blocker, all star player._

_Always apart of the Shiratorizawa family, no matter what.  
  
  
“ Thank...Thank you all so....so much!_” Tendou tried saying in between heavy sobs. As he hiccuped and tears slipped down his cheeks, he zipped open his jacket, and proudly put it on. He zipped it back up with shaky hands, and grinned with pride. Coach Washijo almost teared up himself. Ushijima thought Tendou looked so much like he used to. His face was still ghostly, but he looked like the middle blocker Ushijima knew and relied on.  
  


“I think we should say a small prayer before we play tonight. Goshiki-kun, lead us please.”

Everyone slung their shoulders over one another’s backs and bowed their heads. Goshiki began.

  
”Dear Kami-Sama, I pray that tonight you allow us to win this game. I pray you give us strength to play this game well. We’re doing this for Tendou-senpai. In...in honor of him. And Kami-sama, I pray that.... _please_...,” Goshiki began to tear up and sniffle. His voice broke and his own tears began to fall.

  
“Please....Kami-sama! Please let something good happen for Tendou-senpai. Please allow him good fortune, Kami-sama. Amen.”   
  
They all said Amen in unison, and bowed to Tendou before going onto the court. Goshiki wiped his eyes and fought a quivering lip on his way, and though no one would say it, they all did the same.Just as Ushijima would follow his teammates, Tendou called him back.

  
“Do good out there, Miracle boy.”

Ushijima nodded and sprinted to his position on the court. He was ready to win the game in Tendous honor.

  
The game had almost reached its end, and one point could determine the fate of the game.Both Shiratorizawa and Wakutani were at 24 points. It was indeed a close game as predicted. It was Wakutani’s serve and they seemed to be on their A game for the last 10 minutes of the game, since they had to recover a few points back from Shiratorizawa.   
  


Their teammate bounced the ball twice before serving a jump serve and having their setter hit it to their ace. The ball flew over the net into Shiratorizawa territory. Before it could hit the ground, Hayato saved it from out of bounds.   
  


“Nice receive!” Kenjiro applauded before bumping the ball further towards the net, where Semi would set the ball to Ushijima. For a split second, everything froze in place, and Ushijima saw the ball frozen in mid air. With a force and strength he never knew he had, he spiked the ball into Wakutanis side of the court. Even their libero couldn’t save it in time. Shiratorizawa won the set with 25 points, and with joy in their hearts.   
  


Shiratorizawas side of the gym began loudly cheering. Hayato hugged Goshiki as he cried tears of happiness, and Semi began to scream something loudly with excitement.   
  


“Baki Baki, Ni ore, nani wo?” 

The crowd silenced and waited patiently for the next line. 

“Kokoro wo da yo!” Goshiki and Hayato sang in unison 

  
“Konagona,” Reon, Yunahama, and Kenjiro chirped.

  
“Ni Kudake,” Taichi and Kai chimed in.   
  


The rift came back to Semi who finished with a ,”Nani wo?”   
  


He pointed to Tendou and waited for the words. Tendou was shocked, and ready to cry for the 9th time that night. He said the words, even though his voice was hurting a little.

  
”Seishin wo da yo!”   
  


“Everyone sing!”   
  
The entire side of Shiratorizawa’s viewers shouted up in frenzy. Everyone was jolly and merry, singing the tune left and right. Tendou teared up and once again bawled for the night. Everyone was singing his song, and it felt great. He felt great that people cared about him to such an extent.   
  


“ _Baki Baki, Ni ore Nani wo? Kokoro wo da yo!”_

Ushijima saw Tendou wiping fatigued eyes and sniffling. He trotted over to Tendous wheelchair with an idea in mind. 

“Thank you so much.” Tendou sniffled. Ushijima kneeled down to meet Tendous level and out of no where hugged the red head right. Ushijima kissed Tendou on the cheek and they both were warmed in each other’s embrace.   
  


“I love you.” Ushijima whispered. Tendou squeezed his hug tighter with all of his strength.   
  


Coach Washijo motioned for the nurse to bring Tendou to the middle of the court. Ushijima got up and allowed Tendou to be wheeled away into the middle of their team, their family. The crowd clapped and continued singing the song once more.

  
” _Konagona, Ni Kudake, Nani wo?_ ”

  
“ _Seishin wo da yo!_ ”

They won. Tendou won.   
  


  
The next month was crucial. Ushijima made it a habit to visit Tendou every single evening, just before visiting hours were over. This evening, Ushijima had brought Tendou a gift, and Tendou had a gift for Ushijima as well. It wasn’t bought, but it was still special.

”I purchased you a bracelet,” Ushijima slipped the bracelet onto Tendous thin wrist. It slid down to Tendous elbow, due to how bony he was, but the bracelet was none the less beautiful and thoughtful.   
  


“The words on it say partners in crime. Partners in crime are always together, so I figured that described us. I’ve come to the conclusion that you and I have always been together since we’ve met. We’ve always experienced so many things together. For example, when I......poo’d....my pants that time in the locker room. Or when I was feeling unwell and you visited me.” Ushijima told Tendou, as he fiddled with the bracelet on his arm. Tendou grinned and chuckled. He remembered the time in the locker room, he threw Ushijimas pants out of the window that day, and it landed in an ant pile. He would really miss moments like that. He’d miss every single word, and day they spent together. 

  
“Toshi. I feel that I don’t have much time left here on Earth. I want you to know something.”   
  


Ushijima was attentive; ears perked and eyes wide.

  
”When I go, you’ll receive the answer to your questions. I know how much you hate being frustrated because you don’t know things, but you’ll find what your looking for soon enough.”   
  


Ushijima was confused. What was Tendou on about? He didn’t know what question Tendou was talking about, but he just listened anyway.

  
”what time is it?”   
  


“It is about a quarter to 8.”   
  


“Then I don’t have much time. I want you to know that I’m grateful. So grateful for you. Even though you lost faith in me sometimes, you never let go of the chance you gave me. I want to thank you for just being here with me, and keeping my company. You don’t understand how much you mean to me, I can’t even put it into words aloud. This bracelet will stay with me forever, I’ll always be wearing it.”   
  


Ushijima stayed silent and took every word in. These past months brought out a side of Tendou he’d never seen, and he could certainly say the same of himself. But it wasn’t about him right now. Tendous words touched his heart. Touched wasn’t even the right word, more like a bow through a heart. Visiting hours were ending, so Ushijima gave Tendou a final parting gift.

Ushijima kissed Tendou, and gripped his hand. He rested his head on Tendous chest, and listened to his heartbeat. It was slow and soothing.   
  


  
Tendou was told that he had only 48 hours to live. Ushijimas mother relayed the news, and spoke of the fact that only Tendous immediate family could visit him.   
  


Ushijima and his mother resumed their spots on their couch, and both were quiet and unmoving. Ushijimas mother finally spoke and said something. It wasn’t much, but it brought a lot out of Ushijima.

  
”How do you feel?” She said, staring at the coffee table with her hands on her knees.   
  


“I.....I don’t know how to feel.” Ushijima began. She turned to him and watched his every move, noticing his shaking and glossy eyes.

  
”All this time, I thought that if I could just get him to accept that he was going to die, and that he shouldn’t fight it, it would make it easier on me. I told him that he was going to die. I told him that it was easier to go out without a fight, but only for the simple fact that I was a coward. I thought that if he did that, I could just move on with my life after he died. I can’t just move on with my life. But now, I’m not sure I want him to leave just yet. I’m not ready, and it’s not easier for me at all. Granted, he told me that I should have faith in him. I don’t understand why! Why, should I have faith when he’s going to be gone? What does it mean? I don’t understand.” Ushijima sobbed as he trembled in his seat. His mother snaked an arm around his shoulder, the next arm following. He rested his head in her shoulder and began to sob even louder. She stroked his hair and rocked him back and forth, whispering sweet words of reassurance to him.

  
His mother understood him. She would miss Tendou as well. He was always over, and him being gone would be like a missing link in the house. But she knew that, Ushijima ought to have some faith in Tendou. She knew even if he was gone, even in spirit, he would still be with them; he would always be there.   
  


2 days later, Ushijima’s mother got the call. 

  
“ _He.....he’s gone? He’s....gone_.”

Ushijima dropped to his knees and let out the most heart wrenching scream his mother had ever heard come out of her sons mouth. He began to bang his fists on the floor and screech Tendous name in a constant mantra.   
  


“ _No....no! Your lying to me. He’s not gone. He’s at the hospital waiting for me to visit him. He wants me to go back and give him hope, like he said.”_ Ushijima mumbled. His mother bent down to his level and hugged him. There were tears in her eyes too, for Tendou and for Ushijima both. Ushijima just went limp in her arms, and that’s when she realized he had passed out from how much energy his screaming took out of him. She cradled him like he was a baby on the ground. 

  
2 hours after, Tendous mother knocked on the Ushijima household door. Ushijima opened it, with bloodshot eyes and a revenge red shaded nose.   
  
Tendous mother looked like she’d been crying for days, no end. She looked like such a small woman now, having little shakes and stuttering whenever she opened her mouth to speak. It was a big contrast to who Ushijima looked at as a confident woman. 

She held a piece of paper in her hand that looked like it was folded in to 4s neatly.   
  


“Saato-tori, wanted me to give this to you, after- after he-

  
“I understand. Thank you.” Ushijima said as he bowed. Tendous mother engulfed him into a hug and whispered something in his ear.

  
” _Thank you for being here for him.”  
  
_

  
Ushijima opened the letter and began at the top.

_Dear, Ushijima_

_Didnt think you’d hear from me after it all huh? Now that I’m a ghost, I feel pretty cool. Or at least I think so. I’ll probably be able to float and go through walls. Isn’t that cool?!  
  
_

_Anyways, I picked up writing,( I know, absolutely positively bonkers)and I have a lot of things to say that I put in this letter, so listen up leftie._

  
The letter sounded so much like Tendou, trying to be comical in situations that required seriousness. Ushijima wanted to cry and laugh all in the same breath.

  
_I know I told you that I would answer your questions. So here goes nothing:all this time you’ve questioned what it means to have faith in me. It doesn’t mean what you think it does. When I said to have faith, I never meant to have faith that I would recover. I meant to have faith in me because if you didn’t, you would forget me. If you lost faith in me, what importance would I have to you? None whatsoever. I was afraid of that, and I thought that you lost it completely._

_When I said that a miracle happened, I meant that I didn’t expect you to come back and visit me. It was a miracle that you came back to me, and you gave me hope and helped me keep my own faith in you.  
  
In short, I just want you to remember me. I just wanted you to never forget me. If you stopped having faith in me and forgot me, I really would die, the memory of me would die. The memory of the Tendou you knew would die and I don’t want that. _

_Also, my recipe of Hayashi rice that you love so much. Tell your mom to cook it like this, and think of me every time you eat it.(p.s it’s on the back of the page)  
_

_tell Goshiki-kun that I love his bangs. Tell him that Tendou-senpai misses him, and that he’s a good kid._

_tell semi-semi to stop being so angry and let loose. Tell semi that I’ll miss him yelling at me._

_tell coach Washijo that he’s the best coach I’ve ever had, and I wish he was here to coach me on what to do now._

_tell the whole team that I miss them, and I wish I could see them again._

  
Tears stained Tendous letter. Tears from Ushijimas eyes.

  
_Ive already given my parents letters, but let them know something. Tell my mom not to cry, and tell her that I’m happy. Tell my dad everythings going to be alright, and that he doesn’t have to cry._

_You don’t have to cry either Toshi. I don’t want you to cry for me. I didn’t go out looking stupid. I went out happy, that my last months on earth I spent with you. So there’s no reason to cry for me when I was happy.  
_

_Every time you eat a watermelon popsicle, think of me. Every time you poop your pants, think of me. Every time you cry, I want you to think of me, and think about how I don’t want you to ever cry or be sad. Think of me all the time. Never forget me. Think about what I would tell you.  
  
_

_I know that you miss me. I know that it’s hard. I know that you want me here and back at this point. But crying won’t bring me back to life once I’m gone. But one thing I know for sure is,_

_I don’t have to be here in the flesh to be with you. As long as you remember me, I’ll always be in your mind, and hopefully, I’m in your heart._

_I really hope so because I hold you in mine.  
_

_Remember when I said I felt like I could rob a bank? That was because I felt that good just being around you, Toshi. That’s the effect you had on me. You didn’t see it then, but you know it now.  
  
_

_and Miracle boy, I want you to know something.  
  
_

_I've always loved you. I’ve always believed in you. I’ve always had faith in you. I’ve always cherished your company. I wish I could thank your mother for birthing you. Seriously.  
_

_(Also, tell my elves and trolls that I’ll miss them too. Hug your mother for me. Hug my mom. Hug yourself. Slap yourself if you want to. Whatever you do, for the love of god, smile more. When I look down from heaven I want to see your beautiful smile on your face at all times because you deserve happiness Miracle boy. I hope I gave that to you.)_

_  
Signed,_

_Tendou Saatori_


End file.
